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There’s so much bad advice out there I’m almost shocked at the way people think. It really brings me down to see how black and brown girls are constantly failed by our parents, friends, and community. It’s just.. a lot of people are sharing their thoughts, and unfortunately not nearly enough people are sharing valuable information.
I too was once a young(er) girl who was insecure about my body, very ignorant about my hair, and most importantly struggled with self-esteem. Sometimes when I’m riding through our communities I see girls probably 12-17 years old walking in groups looking cute for the boys. I think to myself: what do you want out of that? Is it attention from your friendly local drug dealer? Or are you more aimless and just need to be validated by whoever will give you attention? Regardless of the answer, unfortunately the way our neighborhoods are set up not much good comes from this. For one, you’re in the wrong neighborhood, and for two, at best your someone’s babymom and that ain’t it either.
I’m not saying any of this to bash anyone because if I were you or if circumstances were different maybe I’d be doing the same thing. However, I am here to shed a light on what is no longer serving us as young women of color. I always say: if only I knew then what I know now. If I could go back in time there are a few things I would’ve like to know sooner. For starters…
Don’t get pregnant
This was something I always knew even without knowing all the reasons why. I would still stress to my 16 year old self the importance of staying baby-free. I’m not sure why so many young girls are okay with getting pregnant as teenagers. Before any woman has a child she should want to be in a position to take care of herself and her children. If you’re not financially stable, heavily rely on your parents, or are under the age of 24 I personally do not recommend having a baby yet.
I know plenty of women that had children young and became wonderful mothers. This is not to judge anyone’s choices, but I personally believe one should wait to have children until they are happily married. Raising a baby is a lot of work, and without the proper resources it’s certainly more of a struggle.
You’re the prize
Oh how I wish I understood this concept sooner! There are countless conversations I had with my sister going through the events of my day to try to decipher if a boy likes me or not. Pro-tip: if it’s not abundantly clear he likes you, then he don’t like you enough. I don’t care how cute, cool, or how many girls like him. At 16, never give too much of your attention to anyone outside of yourself.
Being the “prize” is not just in regards to dating. It’s really all about YOU. Building your self-esteem and knowing you’re are deserving of the best. You set the standard. What you allow is what will remain. Learn confidence and be firm in your boundaries.
MORE: The Importance of Soft Skills for Black Women
Focus on creating and nurturing your female friendships
This one is oh so important!
Women are the most nurturing beings on the planet and you will need them along your journey. This may be just in my experience, but the majority of women are biter, jealous, and competitive. These are not the type of women you want to be around. These women need healing and this type of friendship will always be toxic because of the dynamics at play.
You want a girlfriend that wishes you well and is supportive when you’re in need. No one is perfect, therefore no perfect relationship exists, however, a good girlfriend(s) make life full and wonderful.
Start investing
*major key*
Like most people I was incredibly financially illiterate. I would spend all my money mostly on candy tbh lol as I never was a big shopper or had expensive habits, but I would blow a check at the bodega. I know when you’re 16 you barely have any money, so it’s easy to spend what you have, but I highly suggest learning how to save, not budget! But save!
These days there are so many resources that allow for investing to be accessible. If you have a bank account or access to one I would start investing by creating a Robinhood account. Google which stocks to buy, but easy stocks to start with are:
- Vanguard S&P 500 (VOO)
- Microsoft (MSFT)
- Amazon (AMZN)
- Google (GOOGL)
- Tesla (TSLA)
What I like about Robinhood is if you cannot afford the cost of the entire stock you can buy shares of a stock. Meaning, you can buy a portion of xyz stock with whatever money you have. Use this link to get your first stock free!
MORE: Why All High Value Women Should Learn a Corporate Sport
Get a hobby
The older you get the less free time you’ll have. When you’re young you should have as many hobbies/activities as you can manage. Though you may not see the value in them when you’re younger as you get older you’ll realize how impactful those experiences were.
Additionally depending on your hobby it could be something that makes you more marketable later in life. For example, if you learn another language or play a sport for many years. I recommend anything that involves socializing or developing a new skill.
Practice dating
16 is a great age to start dating! I had 3 “serious” relationships during high school and those are also some of my favorites memories from that era. The type of guys you like in high school will probably be vastly different from the men you entertain as an adult, but it will benefit you to have the experience of both. Relationship skills are super valuable and will only serve you well to develop sooner than later.
Though you may not find your husband anytime soon that’s okay, but making good decision in dating is an extremely important skill that all women need. The earlier you learn the better!
Find a mentor
You know the saying it’s not about what you know, but who you know? They were probably referring to having connections. This is a concept I don’t think that’s emphasized enough in our community. When I tell you I see so many people get ahead and it’s not because they’re the brightest minds on the planet. As a young woman, you need someone who can provide you with the right type of information or introductions to get ahead.
There’s a learning curve to just about anything that’s worth knowing. You’re not going to wake up one day and have all the answers, but a mentor has more experience then you so they’ll be able to guide you through many obstacles. Find someone you admire and build a relationship. It literally can be as simple as just starting a conversation!
Be patient
When I was in 11th grade I would buy these fake Givenchy t-shirts off of iOffer, you know the ones with the rottweiler on the front – they were super popular at the time. Anyway I would wear them once then sell them on eBay for $300+. The shipping time was like 30 days and at that time I didn’t have the patience or vision to see things through. Granted, that was illegal, but it was also entrepreneurial which I don’t think I knew much about at the time.
My point is: good things take time, and great things take even longer. Don’t be fooled by these overnight success stories. A lot of people’s success is here today, and gone tomorrow. If you want to change your life create a plan and execute!
Your body is perfect the way it is
Growing up I was constantly skinny shamed. I remember being extremely self conscious about having no butt. At one point I even had buttpads lol.. I wish I had pictures. Or another time when I went an entire summer wearing 3 pairs of thermals under my clothes just to look a little thicker smh.
However, as an adult I love my body and I’m so grateful for my size! Whether you’re a thicker girl or as small as I was I encourage you to learn to love your body. Find women with similar body types to yours that you find attractive. Social media has a way of making us feel like we’re not good enough, but I’m almost positive that you are, as you are!
Lastly, I would advise my younger self to dress modestly. I think a lot of times as young women we do things for attention without knowing why we feel the need to always look “sexy. I would just advise all young girls that dressing in a way that leaves things to the imagination isn’t always a bad thing!
